Being a full time 'stay at home' parent (why doesn’t someone come up with a better job
description), is not for the faint hearted.
It is a job for which there is no training and most of us just jump in
at the deep end. But it strikes me that
in the current climate, there must be many women and men who are now finding
themselves as 'stay at home' a role they never anticipated for themselves. Looking back over my years at home, there are
a number of things I wish I had known at the beginning which may have made life
a little easier. Things like….
Being a 'Stay At Home Parent' is probably not forever
As you embark on
this new and possibly unexpected phase of your life, remember that is most
likely going to be a defined phase of life. Your children will grow up… you
won’t be needed forever. So it is vital
that you keep that in mind and keep your professional skill set up-to-date.
A place to work from
I remember clearly
when I left the world of paid work I did two things immediately:
I bought a laptop
(ten years ago not every home had a computer) and I also felt I needed a
desk. I couldn’t rationalize why I
needed a desk but I knew I had some deep need for a desk. Perhaps it was a ‘me place’ – my own corner
of the living room devoid of family or baby paraphernalia. Although for most of the time
that ‘me place’ was in fact the end of my kitchen table.
Get involved
Having left the
workforce you have skills that voluntary organizations and local committees may
be delighted to have at their disposal.
Take some time to think about what interests you, what causes you may
have some passion for, what charities’ you particularly support. Then make contact and get involved.
Your children’s
school will no doubt regularly be looking for assistance with various
tasks. Making tea and coffee at
communions etc. may not be your bag but you could offer to help out with
various other ad-hoc jobs. If your
children are involved in sport, your help could be very useful there, whether
it be in training the kids or doing some of the administration work.
Invisibility and The Art of Saying No
Being at home,
particularly if you have very young children, can be very isolating and lonely. It is vital that you get involved with activities
beyond the local parent and toddler group.
If you don’t reach out, you run the risk of losing confidence very
quickly and becoming invisible.
Being a
house-spouse can easily mean that various well meaning friends and family begin
to depend on you for helping with menial tasks.
You might find yourself running here and there or minding other people’s
children on far too regular a basis.
Learn early on to
say ‘no’. Remember you are still doing a job.
Just because you don’t get paid, doesn’t mean that what you are doing is
not just as important as any other job you have had. Never fall into the guilt trap of “I’m not earning money so what I am doing is
worthless”
It can be lonely
Unless you worked
in a solitary profession, you will miss people.
Kids can be great entertainment but you will really pine for a good old
chat and laugh with adults. It is vital
you work to make connections – with other parents (yep, the school gate mafia)
and neighbours etc.
Along with meeting
and connecting with people in real life, the internet also offers a great way
to connect with like-minded individuals and renew old friendships. It doesn’t appeal to everyone but personally
I love Facebook and Twitter – but you know that.
Learn a new skill
Now could be the ideal
time to learn a new skill. How many
times have you thought, 'I would love to learn to dance, or to write, or do some
research into family history.' Signing up
for a class for a couple of hours a week should be easy enough, especially when
the kids are in school. Just make sure you do something you enjoy.
Remember Who You Are
Working in the
home, looking after children and all the domestic chores, is tiring and seemingly
endless. Lunch or coffee breaks are not
guaranteed and your day will certainly not finish at 5 or 6pm. So make sure you build in some ‘you’ time
into your week. Once a week either meet
some friends or former colleagues for lunch or coffee. Protect your sense of
self.
Get Out!
Finally,
especially if you have small children – remember you can leave the house! I know there is a huge amount of palaver in
getting young kids out for an excursion but I remember well rainy, winter days
when packing them into anoraks and wellies and heading out to the park or the
beach saved my sanity!
Make memories
I could wax on
lyrically about how wonderful it is to spend time with your children when they
are young… or to even be around for teenagers, as I had both, but that’s also a
different post. It has all been a marvellous privilege but I know it's not a choice all have or indeed want.
The day I left
work my colleagues gathered to toast my departure. One wise older woman gave me a card. When I opened it her message was simply:
“Good luck Barbara. Enjoy
making memories with your children.”
And I have. Very much. So whether you find yourself being a so called 'stay at home' parent by accident or desire... I hope you do too.
