Thursday, April 25, 2013

'UNTIL THE NEXT TIME

I have been getting a huge reaction to my piece 'Until The Next Time' which was broadcast on Sunday Miscellany on RTE Radio 1 last Sunday 21st April.

You can listen to the podcast of the programme by clicking the link here.  My piece is about 31 minutes in.

Here is the script of the piece.....


“Well, that’s about it I suppose.... no more news.”
I hate these words as they usually signal that our conversation on Skype is coming to its natural conclusion.  Except that there is nothing natural about Skype.  It’s contrived and forced and virtual.  It’s the best thing we have when we are 9,000 miles apart but it’s not real. 

We finally hang up... after the lengthy ‘bye so, ok bye, ok love you, ok bye, bye, bye’ thing we do, as my cursor hovers over the red ‘hang up call’ button on screen.  Then there’s that horrible noise that sounds like something being sucked down a drain and she’s gone.

The picture of her, dressed in her pink PJs lying on her bed stays with me as I imagine her jumping up to head off to brush her teeth.  A few moments later and she will return to climb into bed under the lightest of cotton sheets, her beloved black cat settling down beside her.  I sit staring at my laptop and curse that yet again I have nothing interesting in for lunch.

Then I curse the bloody weather and freezing temperatures, I curse Enda Kenny and his entire cabinet, I curse Fianna Fail before them and finally curse the gaping huge distance that separates me from my first born. 

I allow myself a few minutes to wallow in the frustration of not being able to give her a hug..... or to receive one of hers.  I desperately want to be able to smell her hair and wonder at glow of her beautiful skin.  I want feel the air around her shimmer as she laughs.  I want to  savour the sound as it falls all around me.   

Then I get cross with myself for feeling sorry for myself when I know so many in this country are suffering fates much worse than mine.

I bang cups and plates around in the kitchen and the dog looks at me with his doleful eyes, sensing that there is violence and anger bubbling gently somewhere just beyond his perception. 

I make a cup of tea and sit at my kitchen table.  The dog settles at my feet.  And for the hundredth time I realise that right now what I want more than anything else is to have her sit opposite me and to talk rubbish and gossip and giggle.  Hell, I would even take an argument with her if it meant being able to share her space, to be in her energy. 

I want to look around me and see the imprint of her life in mine.  A handbag here, a scarf there, shoes abandoned by the front door.  I miss her always, but sometimes desperately.

She is probably sleeping now in the heat of the Perth night, under the languid movement of a ceiling fan.  I think of all the nights when she was little and I would check her room before I retired to bed.  Bending down to stroke her hair and pull the duvet up higher. I didn’t know then how precious those days were.  Perhaps it’s just as well.

I don’t know when I will see her again and perhaps that also is just as well.  Because right now all that is keeping me sane is the vague hope that somehow, in the not too distant future, the possibility of making the trip to the other side of the world will suddenly reveal itself.

 I drain my tea.  “Come on dog, let’s go for a walk”.  The pain has passed.  Till the next time.

10 comments:

  1. Awww Barbara, warm hugs....... of little comfort I know, given it's virtual x

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  2. Pain in my heart Barbara...beautifully written.

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  3. Oh Barbara tears it is and in another house tears of joy. As I write these words my young cousin is just arriving home from Sydney
    (or maybe not because of two delays en route), so the anticipation and fidgeting will be happening instead and the filling of turf box.

    Sad tears, happy tears that awful mix of life but in Ireland didn't we think it over, hoped the last were lost to emigration.

    Yes curse the politicians, their thumbprints and cowardice are the cause of many Mother's tears.

    Wish you soon the anticipation, the fidgets and the happy tears. For today though a BIG virtual HUG is yours x

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  4. Well done Barbara. My brother-in-law, sister-in-law and baby cuz went to Australia just last week. The destruction of bad politics. I hope you get to Perth soon xx

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  5. Ah sure isn't it sad or sure it'll be a great experience for them. Usually the claptrap trotted out with regards to emmigration. Both true, but what you write is the reality. The sadness of it.

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  6. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
    Why American men should not marry American women

    http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    I encourage ALL American men to NEVER MARRY American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

    -30 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs.
    -25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
    -85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
    -70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
    -60 percent of American women are fat, overweight, according to government statistics

    If you want to get married, find a nice foreign girl from Asia, or South America, or Russia/Eastern Europe. DO NOT MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

    Give American women the husband they deserve- NONE!

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

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  7. Very moving Barbara. You have a gift with words.

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  8. Hi Barbara,As i do under stand how you feel lonely with your daughter so far away,let me remind you of the very sad times when only a letter would arrive from usa,my poor mother had three daughters in Boston in the 70s,and o if she could have had skype her life would have been very happy,so enjoy the skype chats,
    and remember how worse it could be.LINDA

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  9. Beautiful Barbara. Thanks for sharing. Pat

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  10. Beautiful, heartfelt piece Barbara! Isn't it extraordinary how fate intervened so soon to reunite you? Enjoy your precious time with your lovely daughter.
    Majella

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